Downtime

My Sister - Are you happy?

Me - You can't ask me that kind of question.

My Sister (with a puzzled look on her face) - Why not?

Me - I don't seek to concentrate on one emotion over the others. They are all of value and equally needed so I don't seek out only happiness.

My Sister (looking at me like I'm the biggest tool on the planet) - What can I ask you?

Me - You can ask me if I'm at peace. I seek peace with my emotions instead of a desired emotional state.

My Sister (rolling her eyes) - Alright. Are you at peace?

Me - Yes. I accept who I am and what I am meant to in life. Happiness is irrelevant.

My Sister (with a thoughtful look on her face) - So you are resigned to your peace?

Me - Yes.

And so the conversation ends with me answering a very accusing question. The implication of which is have I given up on myself and life. Resigning myself to a living purgatory. The answer was "Yes" then but it is "No" now. I am not resigned to my peace.

Now comes the tie in to the title. My problem is not in the accepting of who I am and what I do, it is about what I do in-between those times that I am doing what I do. Downtime.

I have no idea what to do with myself when I am "off". A question that was easy to ignore when I was running around fighting my inner demons. My down time simply consisted of working on or running away from my inner demons. All that is gone. My downtime is now legitimately downtime. A time to recover and rebuild my resources and to enjoy what life has to offer outside of what I do. I am at a loss at the moment but it is my new quest to figure out what exactly it is that I can do with downtime. Time to learn how to genuinely be part of life again.

Metis Card

My card comes up for renewal in November but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna let it lapse or whatever the expression is. I don't need a card to tell me who my ancestors are. I don't have a card that says I'm French-Canadian or Danish-Canadian, German-Canadian and the list goes on. I have a passing familiarity with my family tree so I don't need a card to tell me who I am or where I came from.

Also I have no clue what's the point behind having a Metis card is anyway. I know I could get a harvesting card that would let me hunt and fish out of "white man" season with it but aside from that I have no use for it. It's just another thing for me to pay for and renew. So unless anyone more "enlightened" than me on this subject can give me a good reason to keep it I'm letting it lapse.

And that's my soap box moment for today;)

I've learned some new words

So like the title says I've learned some new words: N.I.L.F (okay I know it's an acronym), interfacial relationship and cutegory.

N.I.L.F. (News I'd Like to Fuck): This acronym applies to female news anchors but I can't see why it can't be applied to male news anchors but it was introduced on the Daily Show with Jon Steward as pertaining to female news anchors. Much like M.I.L.F. applies to mothers and F.I.L.F. applies to fathers.

Interfacial Relationships: This applies to couples where there is a significant difference in attractiveness between it's members.

Cutegory: It is a companion term to interfacial relationship. It is the assigned level of attractiveness between the members of the couple but I imagine it can be used in a broader scope to describe just about anyone's level of attractiveness.

Things I've considerd blogging about but then decided not to.

So here's a number of subjects I had contemplated blogging about but then I thought they were just to possibly uninteresting to other people so I decided not to.

1. What to eat leading up to having sex.
2. Shaving down below or making the carpet match the drapes. The male version.
3. A bit of basic sex advice.
4. Why I think I should stop telling women they're hot.
5. Is there anyone fighting against racism that isn't a racist?
6. I think everyone (or at least the people of the same gender) in a threesome needs to be bisexual to make it really work.
7. American Idol is fixed.
8. Are world leaders and really rich people mentally ill? Why I ask may surprise you.
9. Why most people in society need to be gullible or at least easy to manipulate.
10. Seriously comic books have to quit being so expensive! And they have to stop with the insanely huge shitty crossover stories. It would be nice for an interesting story to end in only one or two issues or at least in one title. Keep the giant multi-title crossovers for special occasions. Make them an event not an inconvenience.

Anyway I just felt like writing something so I thought I'd share. Also I predict no one will be interested as I have initially postulated

Some insight into my art.

I call this sketch "Falling Dragon". It's one of those sketches that I have that has existed in many incarnations. This is an old one. The scenery and the style of the dragon varies but it's always depleted and falling from the sky. "Why?" you may ask. It's because this is my piece that represents emotional fatigue. Whenever I
feel I can't carry on I sketch a dragon falling from the sky.

The dragon obviously represents me. The scenery varies based on how I wish to deal with my emotional depletion. In this case I made a rocky seascape because at this time in my life I wanted nothing to do with people for a while. If having people around me was what I thought was the solution to my problem, I would have the dragon crashing in a cityscape.

So that's that. Just thought I'd share some of the "secrets" of why I do the sketches I do.