A Time To Enjoy The Blues

I was sitting there thinking another great and wonderful person has slipped from my life. I don't know this for certain. It hasn't really been that long since the last time we've written and that person has a busy and exciting life as far as I know. Of course I've probably also "shared too much" yet again in my last e-mail so I thought, "If another one is going I'll get a jump on feeling down so that it will pass that much quicker and I can move on to enjoying the memories." I figured I'd put on an all blues station and have a few beers and enjoy the sadness of it.

Then I thought, "Hey why not blog about it?" I was going to use a professionally done portrait of myself at two years old to show how I felt. I thought I had it on my computer but I don't so I'm going to have to get it off my uncle. I look like I'm pleading to be rescued. I looked at it in one of my photo albums and I thought, "You think sitting for a portrait sucks just wait a few years when the campaign to 'ungay' you starts because your mother thinks you're too sensitive." The ironic thing about the ungaying is that it was a long time before I could have a healthy relationship with a woman leaving some people to believe that I was gay.

That made me think for a bit. I still have a few "buttons" to work out of my system. I still wonder if who I am is acceptable to other people. When you grow up being told you're great and we love you but don't be yourself around other people you start to ask yourself that question. I'm glad I've had a hard time sticking to that advice. My best life adventures happened because I can't be "normal"^_^

So I feel better now but I would have liked to have drank some beer (of course nothing is stopping from doing that.) I still wonder if I didn't share too much but I will live and go on to have more adventures;)